


All The Things You Said

by wendywrites



Category: GOT7
Genre: Drabble Collection, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-05
Updated: 2015-12-08
Packaged: 2018-05-05 03:45:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 8,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5359901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wendywrites/pseuds/wendywrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of mini fics based on 'things you said when x'. </p><p>01 things you said at 1 am // 02 things you said through your teeth // 03 things you said too quietly //04 things you said over the phone // 05 things you didn’t say at all // 06 things you said under the stars and in the grass // 07 things you said while we were driving // 08 things you said when you were crying // 09 things you said when i was crying // 10 things you said that made me feel like shit // 11 things you said when you were drunk // 12 things you said when you thought i was asleep // 13 things you said at the kitchen table // 14 things you said after you kissed me // 15 things you said with too many miles between us // 16 things you said with no space between us // 17 things you said that i wish you hadn't // 18 things you said when you were scared // 19 things you said when we were the happiest we ever were // 20 things you said that i wasn’t meant to hear // 21 things you said when we were on top of the world //22 things you said after it was over // 23 things you said [make your own]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. things you said at 1 am

“Jackson, go to sleep,” Jaebum mumbles into his pillow.  
  
“ _I can’t, I’m too excited_ ,” Jackson chirps on the other end of the line.  
  
“It’s one o’clock in the morning,” Jaebum groans.  
  
“ _Not in Hong Kong it isn’t_ ,” Jackson says smugly.  
  
Jaebum cracks one eye open to stare at his phone propped up next to his head. On the screen, Jackson is lying on his stomach with his head cupped in his hands as he swings his legs in the air. His hair has grown out to the point where it’s starting to fall into his gleaming eyes. Unwittingly, Jaebum feels his lips start to curl with fondness.  
  
“I’m looking forward to seeing you too, and that’s why we need to go to bed. You need to be well rested so you don’t oversleep and miss your flight, and I need to get my beauty sleep so I don’t look like absolute shit when we meet in person for the first time,” Jaebum explains patiently.  
  
“ _You, look like shit? No way, but fine_ ,” Jackson pouts.  
  
“See you soon, sweet thing,” Jaebum murmur before he lightly pecks his screen.  
  
“ _‘Sweet thing’? Oh my God, dude, you must be fucking exhausted. Alright, I’ll let you sleep. Goodnight, JB_ ,” Jackson replies, but Jaebum is already asleep.


	2. things you said through your teeth

“Almost there,” Jaebum grunts, his fingers digging into Jackson’s hipbone as they hobble along. “We just need to make it to the river…and then we’ll be safe.”

 

Jackson blearily opens his eyes, blinking away blood and sweat. The river is only just within eyeshot. Even with their head start, it would be a dicey venture if Jackson were able to walk on his own. The way things currently stand…

 

“You go ahead,” Jackson sighs.

 

He lets his arm drop from around Jaebum’s shoulder, which nearly sends the both of them crashing to the ground as Jaebum struggles to regain his balance. As he pulls Jackson back to his feet, Jaebum accidentally nudges Jackson’s wound. Pain explodes in Jackson’s abdomen, sending him crumpling to the ground as the world disappears in a flash of black.

 

When he comes back to himself, Jackson finds that he’s being carried on Jaebum’s back. Sweat pours down Jaebum’s face, flushed a deep red—almost purple—from exertion. The river is still leagues away.

 

“Leave me and go,” Jackson whispers into Jaebum’s neck.

 

“No,” Jaebum grits out.

 

“I’m only slowing you down.” Jackson closes his eyes when his vison starts to swim. “Besides, even if we make it to the river, I could still—”

 

“I said no.” Jaebum hefts Jackson higher on his back and speeds up his steps. “Whether we live or die, we’re doing it together.”

 

“Okay,” Jackson sighs, secretly relieved.


	3. things you said too quietly

“Ah, Jaebum-hyung!”

 

Jaebum turns from his view of the city painted red orange from the sun hanging low in the sky to see Jackson skipping over to him from the entrance to the roof. The younger boy’s uniform is dishevelled as ever—his shirt, covered in multi-coloured scribbles, is untucked, his tie is undone and about to slip from under his collar, and blazer is tied around his waist. Jaebum immediately gets the urge to scold him for it, but he suppresses it since it’s the last day of school and classes are over anyway.

 

“Shit, it’s fucking freezing out here,” Jackson swears as he takes a spot next to Jaebum.

 

“I swear, you learned nothing but how to curse during this entire year,” Jaebum rolls his eyes.

 

Jackson flashes him a blinding grin and Jaebum can’t help the smile that pulls at his lips.

 

“So, why do want me?” Jaebum asks, mentally kicking himself at how he phrased that question.

 

“To sign my shirt, of course,” Jackson chirps, seeming unaware of Jaebum’s Freudian slip. “I saved the best place for you,” he grins before spinning around to reveal the conspicuously empty space in the middle of his back.

 

“Your back is the best space?” Jaebum snorts.

 

“Of course! That’s where logos and brands go on t-shirts, plus it’s the largest space. Pick a colour and write a message.” Jackson pulls a bunch of coloured markers out of his pocket and holds them out to Jaebum.

 

Jaebum picks black. Jackson pockets the rest of the markers and bends over slightly, leaning on the rail for support. Some wild, impulsive side of Jaebum yearns to grab Jackson by the hips and pull him back against Jaebum’s crotch, show him what that stance is doing to him.

 

“Problem?” Jackson peeks over his shoulder.

 

Jaebum blinks, then shakes his head to clear his thoughts. “No.”

 

He uncaps the marker and begins to write out his goodbye message, biting his lip to control himself when Jackson starts squirming.

 

“Are you almost done? That seriously tickles,” Jackson giggles, his body shaking slightly.

 

“…There, I’m finished now.” Jaebum replaces the cap on the marker and hands it back to Jackson.

 

“What did you write?” Jackson cranes his neck in a vain attempt to read the message.

 

“Typical stuff,” Jaebum shrugs. “‘It was great to meet you’, ‘I’ll never forget you’, ‘I love you’, that sort of thing,” Jaebum bashfully rubs the underside of his nose, hoping his cheeks aren’t too red.

 

Jackson’s eyes light up. “Awww, and it only took you a whole year to actually say it,” he laughs.

 

“It’s my biggest regret,” Jaebum mumbles under his breath.

 

“What’s that?”

 

Jaebum shakes his head.

 

“Ah, well,” Jackson pauses to look at his watch, “I should probably get going now. I haven’t started packing any of my things yet,” he groans.

 

Jackson takes a step to the side. Jaebum impulsively grabs him by the wrist, pulling him in for a hug. Jaebum figures Jackson will react in kind, considering how much he likes to invade everyone else’s personal space—Jaebum’s seemingly in particular—but the younger boy goes limp in Jaebum’s arms. Jaebum endures the awkward embrace for a few seconds before he pulls away, clearing his throat.

 

“Well, make sure you don’t forget to pack anything and have a safe flight.”

 

“Yeah,” Jackson nods as he stares unblinkingly at Jaebum.

 

“You…said you had to go?”

 

“Oh, right,” Jackson blinks. “I’ll see you later, well, I mean, we can still use KakaoTalk, right?” he asks, looking hopeful.

 

“Yeah, definitely,” Jaebum nods, the corner of his lip curling up. “Text me when you get back to Hong Kong.”

 

“Great,” Jackson grins before he turns and runs back to the door to the roof.

 

Less than ten seconds after he disappears, Jaebum’s phone buzzes with a notification.

 

‘it’s a date!!’

 

Jaebum smiles.

 


	4. things you said over the phone

“I’m very upset with you. Have I said that yet?” Jackson pouts, puffing out his cheeks even though he knows Jaebum can’t see him.

“ _Yes, you have, several times,_ ” Jaebum sighs.

“You totally deserve it, leaving me all alone on Christmas Day.” Jackson crosses his arms over his chest.

“ _You know I couldn’t refuse to go on this trip._ ”

Jackson’s pout intensifies at the truth in that statement.

“ _Besides, it’s not the 25th just yet._ ”

“Yeah, but it’s only a matter of time,” Jackson says with a glance at the clock on the far wall of their living room.

“ _Hmmm, well, I’ve got to hang up now, my phone is about to die._ ”

“What? You can’t be serious.” Jackson sits up on the sofa. “Where’s your charger?”

“ _Sorry, bye._ ”

Jackson stares at his phone in disbelief. When the silence and utter stillness of his and Jaebum’s apartment becomes overwhelming, Jackson heads into the kitchen to fix himself a cup of hot chocolate, making as much noise as possible. The hot chocolate isn’t as satisfying without Jaebum sitting next to Jackson on the sofa, playing footsie while feigning interest in whatever crap is playing on television, but it is warm and it sends Jackson into a comfortable doze.

_I want some of your Brown Sugar (Sugar)/ I want some of your Brown Sugar (Sugar)/ I want some of your Brown Sugar (Sugar)/ I want some of your Brown Sugar (Sugar)_

Jackson frowns as his nap is disturbed by his phone buzzing against his leg. Reaching beneath his blanket, Jackson frees it from where it’s wedged in the sofa cushions.

“I thought your battery was dying,” Jackson grumbles into the receiver. 

“ _Look out the window._ ”

“What?” Jackson yawns.

“ _Go to the living room window and look outside._ ”

Jackson takes a moment to stretch, savouring the cracking of his joints, before he gets up and trudges over to the window. It’s dark outside, as it has been since four in the afternoon, but the ever gleaming lights of the city make it easy to make out the figure standing on the ground below in the middle of a heart crudely drawn in the snow.

“ _Merry Christmas,_ ” Jaebum sings into Jackson’s ear.

“I thought you would be stuck in Shanghai until Saturday.”

“ _Well, if Santa can fly all around the world in one night, I can find a way to make it across the East China Sea two days early._ ” Jaebum is too far away for Jackson to see his face, but Jackson can hear the grin in his voice.

“...So, you lied to me and made me think I was going to be alone on Christmas?”

“ _Really, Jackson? That’s all you have to say about my grand romantic gesture?_ ”

“Shut up and get inside.”

Down below, Jaebum shakes his head. “ _Love you,_ ” he chuckles before he hangs up.

Jackson is unable to hold back his grin. 


	5. things you didn’t say at all

The curtains are mostly drawn, but a sliver of light is able to escape, streaking its way across the room and lighting the bed where Jaebum lays. For a long moment, Jackson just stands paralysed by the door.

 

“Jae?” Jackson softly calls out, shattering the eerie stillness of the room.

 

_“Come back to bed, already. It’s too cold and too early to be awake yet,” Jaebum sleepily mumbles._

 

“Jaebum?” Jackson races over to his bedside.

 

Jaebum lies on his back with his hands crossed over his chest and his duvet covering most of his body. There is no flicker of movement behind his closed eyelids, no shifting of the duvet with his breathing, no light snores coming from his mouth. Through his hazy vision, Jackson is able to see small spots of reddish brown splattered on the sheets. With a trembling hand, Jackson lightly touches Jaebum’s cheek and is surprised to find lingering warmth.

 

“Hey, this is just a trick, right?” Jackson shakes Jaebum’s shoulder. “You went and got poor Youngjae to rub onions over his eyes to make it all the more convincing, yeah? And you say I have no shame,” he laughs nervously, shaking Jaebum’s shoulder with a bit more force.

 

“Joke’s over now.”

 

Jaebum doesn’t respond.

 

“Come on, you’re overdoing it.”

 

Jaebum doesn’t open his eyes.

 

“I’m not laughing, so just—” Jackson cuts himself off, gasping as hot tears pour out of his eyes. “Call me stupid—or ridiculous or wild or childish or whatever, but just _say_ something,” Jackson clenches his eyes shut as his voice breaks.

 

Jackson drops onto the chair next to Jaebum’s bed, slumping over onto the bed with his head in his arms. Jaebum’s sheets are still silky smooth to the touch, but they reek with staleness and acridity instead of the wonderful lavender scent that Jackson remembers.

 

“Didn’t you say that you hate to see me cry? Well, I’m crying,” Jackson hiccups.

 

He grabs on of Jaebum’s hands and places it on the top of his own head, but it slips to the side a few moments after Jackson lets go of it. Jackson kicks off his shoes and climbs into bed next to Jaebum, laying his head on Jaebum’s unmoving chest and wrapping the prince’s arm around himself. Although his sheets have lost their nice scent, Jaebum himself still smells surprisingly good. Jackson closes his eyes and buries his nose at the junction of Jaebum’s neck and shoulder.

 

“This is unfair, so fucking fucked up and unfair,” Jackson sobs, his fingers clinging to Jaebum’s bedclothes. “Fuck that stupid witch for casting that stupid spell, fuck you for dumping me and fuck me for taking so long to get back.”

 

Jaebum is still so, so warm that it feels like he's just on the verge of tightening his hold on Jackson and stroking Jackson's hair. It’s so easy to lie beside him the way they used to before they grew up, before life got complicated and difficult. Within a few minutes, Jackson’s heavy breath calms down and some of the tension dissipates from his body.

 

 _“It's alright, there's no need to cry_. _”_

 

Jackson blinks his eyes open. He has no idea when he fell asleep—that he even fell asleep at all—but the beam of light entering the room is now red orange. Sitting up, he holds his hand over Jaebum’s nose and mouth. Nothing. Jackson’s hand bonelessly flops down.

 

“I’m sorry, I can't—I don't think I'll have the strength to see you off properly, so I'll _say goodbye_ now," Jackson croaks. “This past year was so hard, I don’t know how I’m going to live now that you’re truly gone. I was really happy in the time we had together. I won’t ever forget you. Let’s meet again sometime,” Jackson forces a watery smile.

 

A few of his tears roll down his face and drip onto Jaebum’s cheeks. Jackson gently wipes them off with his thumbs before pauses and then leans down to give Jaebum one last parting kiss. Jaebum’s lips are as warm as his skin. So warm that Jackson has to force himself to let go of Jaebum, jumping out of the prince’s bed and rushing out the door as he hastily wipes his face with the back of his hands.

 


	6. things you said under the stars and in the grass

 

“Hyung, it’s freezing,” Jackson says through trembling lips and chattering teeth. “Can’t we do this some other time?”

 

“No,” Jaebum stubbornly insists even as his lips take on a bluish tinge. “We’ll be too old to make the trip out here next time, if we’re even alive then.”

 

“I can’t feel my legs anymore,” Jackson whines as he pulls his legs to his chest and wraps his arms around himself.

 

“Come here.” Jaebum opens his arms.

 

Jackson clambers into Jaebum’s lap, burying his nose at the junction of Jaebum’s neck and shoulder. Jackson groans when Jaebum nudges his side.

 

“Hey, look up at the sky, or else there’s no point in us being out here.”

 

Jackson reluctantly shifts his face from Jaebum’s warm neck to stare up at the clear night sky. He’s got to admit, the stars really do shine much brighter out in the countryside. The only downside about this forecasted meteor shower is that it had to take place in the dead of winter.

 

“Oh, I think see something!” Jackson jumps in Jaebum’s lap as he cranes his neck upwards.

 

“Where?”

 

“Right there!” Jackson points.

 

It starts off slow at first, just a single streak of light that disappears just as quickly as it appears, but then more and more streaks of light appear and fill a section of the sky with flashing lights. Jackson watches in awe, barely noticing the cold anymore. When the last light goes out, Jackson leans down and pulls Jaebum into a kiss.

 

“Thanks for dragging me out here. That really was amazing,” Jackson whispers against Jaebum’s lips. He starts to pull away, but Jaebum reels him in for another kiss.

 

“Sure thing. Damn, it’s really too bad about the time of year. This would be the perfect atmosphere for moonlit sex,” Jaebum sighs wistfully as he finally pulls away.

 

“Tsk, you pervert,” Jackson scoffs. Secretly, he agrees.


	7. things you said while we were driving

“I think we’re lost,” Jackson says with concern as he stares out the passenger window.

“We’re not lost,” Jaebum says patiently.

“I don’t know about that,” Jackson says doubtfully, his eyebrows knitting together as they cruise through the unfamiliar French countryside. “Maybe we should go back to that gas station and ask for directions.”

“We’re not going back,” Jaebum says not-so-patiently.

“Really, man, there’s no shame in admitting when you need help.”

Jaebum looks away from the windscreen to give Jackson a glare that could curdle milk. Jackson blinks innocently, too used to the older man’s moods to be affected by the look.

“What would be the point of that?” Jaebum sighs heavily. “Neither of us can speak French.”

“I know a little bit.”

“Like I said, neither of us can speak French,” Jaebum scoffs.

Jackson crosses his arms over his chest and leans back against the passenger door. “Well, then I guess it’s a good thing you weren’t stupid enough to plan a honeymoon in a country where neither of us can speak the language. Oh, wait, nevermind.”

“Well, fuck me for trying to be romantic,” Jaebum snaps.

The two of them lapse into silence, the humming of the engine of their rental car the only sound in the small space. Outside, the horizon is painted mingling shades of red and yellow as the indigo curtain of night slowly descends. The first stars can be seen faintly twinkling in the distance. If Jackson were more of an artsy person, he’d definitely paint it or take a series of photographs.

“Alright, I’ll turn back and ask for directions,” Jaebum mutters, barely audible.

“Nah, let’s keep going.”

In the corner of his eye, Jackson sees Jaebum give him an inquisitive look.

“This is all part of the adventure and we don’t have to be anywhere for two weeks anyway,” Jackson shrugs. “Plus, the view is amazing,” he says with a wink and an ostentatious grin.

Jaebum laughs despite himself, shaking his head as he turns back to the front.

“Fair enough.”

Jackson’s hands fidget where they rest on his lap. Without looking away from the front, Jaebum removes one hand from the steering wheel and holds Jackson’s hands. 

 


	8. things you said when you were crying

 

“Sorry I’m late, traffic. Where is he?” Jaebum asks the second he steps through the doors to the maternity ward.

 

“Come, I’ll show you,” Jackson grins, grabbing Jaebum by the hand and leading him down the corridor. “Don’t be so nervous, dude,” Jackson reassures Jaebum when he feels the sweat clinging to Jaebum’s palm. “The baby’s fine and so is your cousin.”

 

“Which one is he?” Jaebum asks when they arrive at the observation room.

 

“Second row and third from the left,” Jackson points.

 

The baby shifts in his bassinet, as if he somehow knows that he’s become the centre of attention again.

 

“Holy shit, he’s so tiny,” Jaebum all but whispers, his eyes wide as he stares through the glass.

 

“He may be small, but he’s a huge voice,” Jackson chuckles, his cheeks aching after hours of smiling. “Just like his daddy,” he adds with twin pokes to Jaebum’s sides.

 

Jaebum flinches slightly at the contact but otherwise doesn’t react to Jackson’s teasing. “Oh, fuck, I’m his father,” he murmurs, leaning his forehead on the glass. “I can’t believe it...”

 

“Do you wanna hold him?”

 

“Can I?” Jaebum finally turns away from the glass, his expression almost painfully hopeful and tentative.

 

“Of course you can, you’re his daddy,” Jackson slaps Jaebum on the arm. “I’ll go get the nurse.”

 

The attending nurse doesn’t quite hide the double take she does when Jackson introduces Jaebum as the baby’s _other_ father, but she recovers quickly and repeats the instructions she gave to Jackson on how to hold the infant.

 

“Oh, fu—shi—darn,” Jaebum mutters when the baby starts to fuss in his arms.

 

Jackson has to bite the inside of his cheek to suppress his laughter.

 

“Am I not doing it right?” Jaebum Jaebum looks beseechingly at Jackson, his eyebrows knitted together.

 

“You’re doing fine, man. Just relax,” Jackson croons as he rubs soothing circles into the skin of Jaebum’s arms. “Seriously, you look sweet together,” he smiles.

 

At that moment, the baby yawns widely and slowly blinks open his eyes. Joy bubbles in Jackson’s chest and he feels simultaneously weaker and stronger as he gazes into the baby’s doe like eyes.

 

“Hello, sweetie,” Jackson coos. “Aren’t you a darling little...Wait, Jaebum, are you—are you crying?”

 

“Hi, there. You don’t know it, but I’ve been waiting a long time to meet you,” Jaebum whispers reverently to the bundle in his arms. “I’m so happy you’re here, that you’re healthy, that you're mine. Happy birthday, Youngjae,” Jaebum smiles through his tears.

 

Jackson fishes a tissue out of his pocket and gently wipes Jaebum’s face.

 

“He doesn’t need a bath yet,” Jackson chuckles. “Wait, hang on—’Youngjae’?”


	9. things you said when i was crying

“Sofia Wang, she...she was a-an, an amazing mother and—” Jackson’s throat closes up.

 

Even if he could speak he’s too blinded by his own tears to make out the words he spent all week jotting down. Jackson opens his mouth to try to continue, but the sound of his own heavy breathing echoes through the speakers. The screeching of feedback replaces the sound of his breathing when Jackson’s hand drops to the pulpit before him. His knees are about to follow, but a warm arm wraps around Jackson’s waist and holds him up.

 

“Sofia Wang was an amazing mother, a champion gymnast and the most kind-hearted person in China,” Jaebum recites, his voice warm and deep.

 

Jackson lets his eyes fall shut and he buries his face in Jaebum’s neck. Tears force their way past Jackson’s eyelids and run down his face while his chest heaves with sobs. Jaebum tightens his hold on Jackson’s waist and he rests his head against Jackson’s.

 

“My mother brought happiness to the lives of everyone who was lucky enough to have known her and the world is a lesser place in her absence.”


	10. things you said that made me feel like shit

“You could’ve said something, you know,” Jackson finally speaks up, shattering the tense silence that has reined in the car for the past twenty minutes. “You could’ve done said something or made a face or changed the subject or done literally fucking _anything_ , like nothing was happening.”

 

“They’re my parents,” Jaebum says, as if that explains—and excuses—everything.

 

“You still could’ve said something.” Jackson crosses his arms across his chest. “I would’ve spoken up for you if it were my parents.”

 

“Yeah, well, I wouldn’t put you in that position in the first place because I know when to shut the fuck up.”

 

Jaebum doesn’t raise his voice, but the words bounce off the windows and echo in the confined space. Jackson’s blinking rate speeds up and he pulls his arms tighter across his chest as he hunches in his seat.

 

“Jackson,” Jaebum sighs, “look, I didn’t—” he places a hand on Jackson’s shoulder but Jackson shrugs it off.

 

Jackson turns his body so he’s on his side in the passenger seat, staring out the window as dark clouds gather over the open fields of the countryside. Even with his seatbelt digging into his neck, Jackson doesn’t move from his awkward position until they get back to Seoul. He doesn’t say anything to Jaebum for the rest of the week.

 


	11. things you said when you were drunk

“Soft. Jackson, you, you’re so soft,” Jaebum smiles soppily.

 

“Soft? Should I be insulted?” Jackson cocks an eyebrow. “I know it’s been a few years since I retired from fencing, but I haven’t stopped working out,” he pouts, poking at his stomach.

 

“Mmmm, you’re soft,” Jaebum hums as he reaches out to touch Jackson’s face. “Your eyes are so pretty, they sparkle.”

 

“Dude, that’s so corny,” Jackson snickers.

 

“Your nose is soft too. It’s so cute, it’s like a little button,” Jaebum slurs, running his fingers over Jackson’s nose.

 

“You're so wasted.” Jackson’s shoulders start to shake as Jaebum continues to paw at his face and drunkenly ramble.

 

“And your lips...”

 

Jaebum rubs the pad of his thumb over Jackson’s bottom lip before he suddenly shifts his hand to Jackson’s neck and pulls Jackson down on top of him. Jaebum’s lips cushion Jackson’s fall and his tongue easily part’s Jackson’s lips. His hands slide down Jackson’s body, coming to a stop at Jackson’s ass. Jaebum grabs two generous handfuls and rolls his hips to grind their pelvises together.

 

“You’re so soft and that makes me so hard,” Jaebum groans.

 

Jackson’s not laughing anymore.


	12. things you said when you thought i was asleep

“I’ll be getting a promotion at work next month. With my increased salary, I’ll definitely be able to increase my savings to the point where I’ll have enough money to put down a deposit on a house within five years and where the fuck am I going with this?”

 

Jackson lies still in bed, his eyes widening as he pieces together Jaebum’s words.

 

“I never really saw myself getting married, least of all to a guy, but—No, I shouldn’t say that…”

 

Jackson’s mouth falls open; it’s a good thing he’s lying with his back to Jaebum.

 

“Shit, why can’t I come up with anything good?”

 

Jackson shuts his eyes and forces himself to slow down his breathing rate. He wants nothing more than to turn over and scream, “Of course I’ll marry you!” but he knows that Jaebum won’t be fully satisfied until he comes up with the perfect thing to say and the perfect moment in which to say it. So, Jackson ignores his protesting bladder and remains still until Jaebum’s mumbling gradually morphs into light snores.


	13. things you said at the kitchen table

“Oh, good morning.” Jaebum looks up from the newspaper laid out on the small table. A pair of square black glasses rests on the bridge of his nose.

Jackson opens his mouth to return the greeting, but a jaw-splitting yawn comes out instead.

“Slept well?” Jaebum’s smirk is practically audible.

“Like a baby. You were such a terrible lay, falling asleep was the best part of my night,” Jackson quips as he makes his way into the kitchen and gingerly takes a seat at the table.

Jaebum simply laughs and turns back to his newspaper. Jackson follows, exercising his reading skills by trying to work out the headlines from the upside down Korean characters. He’s quickly able to figure out that the top story is about the upcoming general election—which makes sense, it’s all that’s in the news lately—but the finer details still elude him.

Jackson glances up to see pair of brown eyes staring at him, looking equally striking behind the dowdy glasses as they did lined with kohl.

“What is it?” Jackson blinks, conscious of the fact that he hasn’t yet shaved or showered or brushed his teeth.

“I was just thinking about what I should have for breakfast—well, lunch, really—and I’ve decided on you.”

It takes a second, but Jackson feels his cock twitch in his boxers when he reads the intent in those piercing brown eyes.

“Bit presumptuous of you,” Jackson replies, clearing his throat to get the roughness out of his voice. “I had plans for today. Ah!”

Jackson jumps when warm fingers slip past the waistband of his underwear. He bites his lip in a bid to silence anymore embarrassing yelps as Jaebum wraps his hand around Jackson’s cock. Jaebum squeezes the shaft as he moves his hand from the base to the tip. Jackson shudders, nearly coming then and there when Jaebum’s other hand starts to finger the slit. Jackson opens his eyes, not certain when he closed them, when Jaebum removes his hands.

Jaebum rests his cheek in one hand as he lifts his thumb of his other hand to his mouth.  “Cancel them.”

“Sure,” Jackson says faintly, his mouth dry.


	14. things you said after you kissed me

“Jackson?”

“Hmmm?” Jackson hums, more asleep than awake.

“Jackson...” Jaebum whispers.

“What is it?” Jackson grunts, flinching slightly as Jaebum’s hot breath tickles the shell of his ear.

“It’s time to get up.”

“No,” Jackson whines, burying his face into his pillow.

“I’ve let you sleep for as long as possible, but you have to wake up now,” Jaebum says patiently.

Jackson ignores him.

“You have to come up to breathe sometime.”

 _Says who? What if I just stay here and suffocate?_ Jackson fumes to himself.

He’d like to think that he still has a relatively high lung capacity from his days as an athlete, but Jackson only lasts about a minute before he springs up from his pillow.

“Good morning,” Jaebum smirks.

“Fuck you.”

Jaebum laughs through his nose, looking nonplussed from his perch on the ladder to Jackson’s bunk. Jackson sits up, about to start his stretches, when Jaebum leans forward. Jackson’s eyes shut the second Jaebum’s lips touch his, his arms automatically seeking out the older man’s waist. Too soon, Jaebum pulls away.

“Ugh, morning breath,” Jaebum cringes, wrinkling his nose.

“Fuck off.”

Jaebum laughs again, leaning in once more to kiss Jackson—on the nose—before he jumps to floor and disappears behind the door leading to the rest of their dorm.


	15. things you said with too many miles between us

“So, you kill anyone yet?”

 

Jackson can practically hear Jaebum roll his eyes when he says, “ _No._ ”

 

“The hell are you doing out there then?” Jackson slides down the side of his bed, hanging upside down.

 

“ _You know I can’t tell you that._ ”

 

“What, does the military have a tap on this phone? Have they been eavesdropping on all our conversations?” It’s partly a tease, partly a genuine enquiry.

 

“ _Don’t know. Probably._ ”

 

“Damn, and I was working up to a phone sex session too,” Jackson chuckles.

 

He’s not expecting raucous laughter, but the dead air on the other side of the line is a disappointment.

 

“Jeez, tough crowd,” he mutters, letting himself slid all the way down to the floor.

 

Jaebum sighs. “ _I’m just…tired. Really tired._ ”

 

“Am I bothering you?” Jackson frowns, self-consciously picking at the cuticle of his thumb. “I have no idea what you do all day, but I’ve never heard you sound this drained after work, and that’s saying something. Do you want to turn in for the night?”

 

“ _No! No, you’re not bothering me. Your calls are the thing I look forward to the most these days. I’m just too tired to keep up with a conversation. I’d rather just listen to you talk, I miss hearing the sound of your voice._ ”

 

A grin breaks across Jackson’s face and he pulls a pillow over his head to cover it even though Jaebum can’t see him.

 

“Fair warning, I didn’t actually do shit today, so I’m just gonna be rambling on about nothing.”

 

“ _That sounds great._ ”

 


	16. things you said with no space between us

“It’s too hot. Get off me,” Jaebum groans, pushing at the 63kg of deadweight stuck to his chest.

 

“No,” Jackson shakes his head, sending drops of sweat rolling down his face and neck.

 

“Jackson,” Jaebum growls, narrowing his eyes at his boyfriend.

 

“Who was it who said we didn’t need an air conditioner? That it was a waste of money? Oh, that’s right, it was _you_ ,” Jackson punctuates his statement by lightly biting one of Jaebum’s exposed nipples.

 

“Ya!”

 

“This is chickens coming home to roost.” Jackson lays his head back on Jaebum’s chest, shaking his head so his hair fans out and covers the other man’s face.

 

“Ah, you punk.” Jaebum pinches Jackson’s side but doesn’t make any serious attempt to move him.

 


	17. things you said that i wish you hadn’t

“Ahhh! _Fuck_ , I love you,” Jaebum moans just before his hips pick up even more speed with their thrusts.

 

Jackson freezes. Above him Jaebum shakes and shudders, his face turning red and his eyes squeezed shut. His chest heaves as he struggles to catch his breath, the movement sending droplets of sweat rolling down from his neck. Jackson watches him as he comes back down to earth, the last three words Jaebum said on a constant loop in his mind.

 

“Hey,” Jaebum smiles soppily, fondness dripping from his voice.

 

“Hi,” Jackson croaks, his mouth dry.

 

Jaebum leans down on his forearms and presses his lips to Jackson’s. He doesn’t even try to slip his tongue inside, he just moves his lips against Jackson, only briefly sucking on Jackson’s bottom lip before he pulls away.

 

“You didn’t come?” Jaebum frowns in confusion.

 

Jackson coughs. “No, but rest assured, it wasn’t because of any deficiency on your part. I just had the mental image of my grandmother in lacy underwear pop into my head, and it kinda killed my boner.”

 

“What—Why were you thinking about your grandmother in lingerie?” Jaebum laughs, his eyebrows furrowed.

 

Jackson shrugs, shifting closer to his edge of the bed when Jaebum lies down next to him.

 

“Dunno, guess it just occurred to me that she had to have done this at least once to have given birth to my mother and my uncle.”

 

“Once? Does that mean your mother’s a twin?” Jaebum tilts his head.

 

Jackson mentally kicks himself.

 

“Uh, yeah. She is,” he says hesitantly.

 

“Are you a twin?” Jaebum throws his arm over Jackson’s exposed stomach, his eyes twinkling.

 

One week, one day, hell, ten minutes ago, Jackson would take the cue and joke that he and his fictional twin brother don’t do threesomes anymore. Now, he sits up in bed—more to dislodge Jaebum’s arm than anything else—and stares Jaebum down.

 

“Look, what you said before…” Jackson trails off, chewing on his lip.

 

“When?” Jaebum frowns.

 

“Before you came.”

 

“You mean I said something that wasn’t just mindless grunting?” Jaebum cocks an eyebrow.

 

Shit, that’s even worse.

 

“Look, I’ve gotta got.” Jackson jumps to his feet, gathering his discarded clothes from the floor of Jaebum’s bedroom. “You know, places to go, people to do,” he says, his tone flippant but his words pointed.

 

“You’re leaving? Well, at least let me—”

 

“That won’t be necessary,” Jackson knocks Jaebum’s hand away. “I—Sorry, I’m just…I don’t want to be late for my next client,” Jackson says sheepishly, guilt bubbling in the pit of his stomach at the look on Jaebum’s face “One bad review can wreck business, you know?”

 

“Not exactly, but yeah, I suppose. Do you want to use my shower to freshen up?”

 

“Uh, no, I’ve got to make a stop at my apartment, I’ll shower there. Thanks though,” Jackson nods, pulling on his jeans and crumpled shirt.

 

“Well, alright. I’ll walk you to the door,” Jaebum says around a yawn.

 

Jackson stiffens when the other man places his hand at the small of Jackson’s back to guide him out, but he bites his tongue.

 

“It’s been a pleasure doing business with you,” Jackson gives his standard parting, but with much less leering and implied innuendo.

 

“As always,” Jaebum purrs, wrapping his arms around Jackson’s waist and pulling him into a kiss. “Same time next week?”

 

“Yeah, sure,” Jackson nods, already thinking up an excuse for missing their next appointment.

 

“Great,” Jaebum grins.

 

The guilt in Jackson’s stomach bubbles so furiously, it starts to give him heartburn. He swallows it down, reminding himself of the fallout from the last client who got too close to him. Jaebum doesn’t seem like he’d go the stalker route, but Jackson doesn’t want to take the chance and end up needing to fake his death and move cities again. It’s a shame though…

 

“What is it?” Jaebum asks as he re-opens the door. “Did you forget something?”

 

Jackson cups Jaebum’s face in his hands and pulls the other man down while he tip-toes up for a kiss. The surprise attack stuns Jaebum, but it’s only a moment before Jaebum has Jackson snugly wrapped up in his arms, sandwiched between the wall and Jaebum.

 

“Wow, what was that for?” Jaebum breathes when they finally separate.

 

“You always did fuck me the best,” Jackson sighs wistfully.

 

Jaebum snorts, “How romantic.”

 

For a whore, it truly is.


	18. things you said when you were scared

“Do we really have to do this?” Jackson wraps his arms around himself as a particularly cold gust of wind blasts him in the face. “I mean, I figured that we went through all the trouble of putting up defences so we could relax.”

“We can’t afford to get too comfortable,” Jaebum says seriously, his eyes scanning the snow-covered landscape before him. “It’s best we continue to be proactive and eliminate potential threats before they can swarm and overpower us.”

“Hmm, I suppose you’re right.”

It’s been three weeks since their little group braved the horde of the dead, but the experience is fresh in everyone’s mind, Jaebum’s most of all. Even though the seven of them were fortune enough to survive the ordeal and discover a shelter, Jackson still wakes in the middle of the night to the sound of Jaebum’s uneasy shifting and mumbling in his sleep. If hunting down the dead will give the other man some peace of mind, Jackson is willing to go along with it.

“Heads up, there’s a bunch coming from the left,” Jaebum calls out.

“Right,” Jackson nods, pulling on his fencing mask and getting into his ready stance.

Jaebum moves around the stumbling dead in a wide arc, and Jackson moves in the opposite direction until the both of them roughly encircle the dead. There are seven of them; that means three for Jackson, three for Jaebum, and the final one goes to whomever finishes first.

On some unspoken signal both Jaebum and Jackson spring forward and begin their attack. The airy swishing of Jackson’s sabre swiping at the dead and the dull thudding of Jaebum’s axe slamming into their skulls ripples through the air across the barren winter landscape. A quick glance over at Jaebum shows the other man struggling to pull his axe from the skull of his third zombie, so Jackson steps forward to challenge the last one. It’s an elderly man, probably a farmer judging by what remains of his clothing—plain yet comfortable-looking pants, a plaid shirt and waterproof boots splattered with mud. Jackson takes a moment to sympathise with the stranger, inflicted with and succumbing to a virulent disease and then denied the dignity to die and stay dead. When the moment passes, Jackson readies his sabre and lunges forward.

_Crack!_

Jackson freezes, his mouth falling open when his sabre breaks in half, the end of it embedded in the farmer’s eye socket. The injury isn’t enough to stop him. He stumbles forward, his mouth open in a snarl, his arms outstretched. Jackson puts up his hands, grabbing the farmer’s shoulders and grappling with him. Jackson’s feet slip in the snow.

“Shit!” he gasps as his back slams onto the icy ground.

Above him, the farmer growls and snarls, mindlessly clawing at the ground as he presses down on Jackson.

“Yar! Raaaa—” The farmer goes limp.

“Jackson!”

Jaebum shoves the farmer off Jackson and grabs him by the shoulders.

“Did it bite you?!”

“N–no, I’m fine. I’m fine!” Jackson pants, grasping at Jaebum’s forearms. 

Jaebum all but collapses in relief. “Fucking hell, Jackson,” he swears, sitting back on his heels.

Jackson pushes himself up with trembling hands, unfastening his mask.

“It’s alright, I’m indestructible in this, remember?” Jackson gestures to the protective clothing he’s wearing. “Hashtag bulletproof.”

What little humour Jackson actually feels evaporates when Jaebum stares at him. 

“Um, right,” Jackson coughs, scratching at the back of his neck.

Jaebum sighs deeply, his shoulders slumping. “You can’t...you need to be more careful. I couldn’t take it if you died on my watch—died because of _me_.”

Jackson’s eyes widen and his eyebrows jump when Jaebum cups his face between slightly clammy, callused palms.

“I know we haven’t really talked about what, what we are, but you’re someone special to me. You’re one of my people. So, don’t, don’t be so nonchalant with your own life, alright?” Jaebum lets go of Jackson’s face to rubs the underside of his nose, but Jackson can still see the pink blooming in his cheeks.

“Oh, wow...Though I have to say I’m still a bit unsatisfied”

“How?” Jaebum’s eyebrows bunch together at the bridge of his nose.

Jackson puckers his lips.

“Oh, go to hell,” Jaebum rolls his eyes.

“Mark and Youngjae had a dramatic kiss,” Jackson pouts.

Jaebum just shakes his head. Jackson leans back on his palms, getting ready to climb to his feet. He’s pulled forward by a firm hand on the back of his neck, landing in Jaebum’s lap as their lips collide. Jackson clings to Jaebum’s broad shoulders to keep his precarious balance. Jaebum’s lips are chapped from exposure to the icy wind, but his mouth is delightfully warm and the friction only speeds up the racing of Jackson’s pulse. Too soon, Jaebum pulls away.

“Let’s call it a day and head back,” Jaebum whispers against Jackson’s lips, leaning in for one more quick kiss before he gets to his feet.

Jackson whines at the loss of contact, but he also stands up.

“It’s too bad it’s Thursday,” Jaebum says wistfully.

“We don’t need a bed, we sure didn’t the first time. We could just borrow Yugyeom and Bambam’s blanket and—”

“Let’s go,” Jaebum chuckles, shaking his head.

“Alright, alright.”

Jackson picks up his fencing mask, giving his broken sabre a sidelong glance, before he starts walking back to their underground shelter. He blinks in surprise when Jaebum holds out his hand, but wastes no time in lacing their fingers together. 


	19. things you said when we were the happiest we ever were

“Hello, and welcome to beautiful Thailand,” Jackson waves at the camera, a wedding present from his younger cousin. 

 

“We’re not at the resort yet,” Jaebum chuckles, not even looking up from his novel.

 

“I can’t wait for us to get there to start this. Say hello, Jaebum.” Jackson rests his head on Jaebum’s shoulder and adjusts the camera to get him in the frame.

 

“To whom?” Jaebum hums, pressing his cheek against Jackson’s hair. “Are you planning on showing this to someone in particular?”

 

“It’s for us in the future.” Jackson zooms in the camera lens. “Now, say hello.”

 

Jaebum finally looks up from his book and lifts and drops his hand in a wave.

 

“Hello, my future self. You already know this, but I’m bursting with happiness. I might not look it because of the long flight and the draining process that was putting on our wedding, but I you already know that as well. I don’t know what things are like for you at present, if this memory you’re reminiscing about currently feels sweet or bittersweet, but I hope that you’re still 100% committed to fighting for a happy life with Jackson, even if there are—”

 

“Oh, wait, hang on, I forgot to put the SD card in. None of that got recorded.”

 

Jaebum heaves a sigh and rolls his eyes so hard that they nearly get stuck in the back of his head. Out of the corner of his eye, he watches Jackson fiddle with the camera, a smile slowly curling his lips. When Jackson holds the camera up again and tells Jaebum to repeat what he said, Jaebum takes Jackson’s chin in his hand and turns his head in for a lingering kiss.

 

“You know that I love you, right?” Jaebum smiles, fondness seeping out of his pores.

 

Jackson bashfully ducks his head and squirms in his seat, dropping the camera into his lap. Jaebum’s smile widens into a grin. He tilts Jackson’s head up and starts to sing their wedding, wrapping his other arm around Jackson’s waist and swaying them as best he can while sitting in the backseat of a moving vehicle.

 

“Jae, the driver...” Jackson mumbles, his eyes shifting to the front seat while his cheeks burn.

 

Jaebum glances into the rear view mirror just in time to see a pair of eyes quickly look away. Jaebum ceases his singing, but he carries on humming the song under his breath with his arms wrapped around Jackson. When he finishes the song, he lightly pecks Jackson on the cheek.

 

“I look forward to using that camera when we get to the resort,” Jaebum whispers into Jackson’s ear.

 

Jackson squirms again, his cheeks reddening even more.


	20. things you said that i wasn’t meant to hear

_—for dinner, but it might have—knew I shouldn’t have let that bitch use my—the chance it will rain—not start when I get home or—shit, this is getting worse—so I could wear shoes like that—it hurts _—__

“Jackson?”

“Hey, are you okay?”

Jackson lets go of his head and sits up from the bench he’s doubled over when a warm hand gently squeezes his shoulder. Jaebum is standing beside the bench, a frown pulling down his lips.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Jackson forces a laugh.

Jaebum narrows his eyes.

“Really, it was just a flash headache. I’m feeling much better now.”

Jackson isn’t lying; his mind is blessedly silent when Jaebum is around. He has no idea why—has no idea why can hear other people’s thoughts to begin with—but he won’t question the one thing that brings him peace.

Jaebum still looks doubtful, but he holds his hand out to Jackson. Jackson takes it, thinking that Jaebum just wants to help him to his feet, but the older man surprises him when he doesn’t let go after Jackson is on his feet. Jackson couldn’t keep the grin from his face even if he wanted to. He squeezes Jaebum’s hand, relishing the light pink flush on the older man’s cheeks. Jaebum rubs his thumb over the back of Jackson’s hand.

_I think I’m falling in love with you and I’m terrified..._

“What?” Jackson turns to Jaebum with wide eyes, his heart pounding.

“What?” Jaebum blinks. “I didn’t say anything.”

Jackson stares back at him. For the first time in his life, the thoughts whirling up a storm inside his mind are entirely his own.

 


	21. things you said when we were on top of the world

_Baby, you are just right_

“Jackson, sing!” Bambam dramatically waves his hand at Jackson, nearly hitting him in the face with his microphone.

“Uh, _mirror, mirror, please tell her/Scale,_ uh.. _._ ”

It’s not even been two hours since Jackson last did this rap, but the alcohol he’s had during the group’s post-concert celebrations has taken its toll on his short-term memory.

“ _That she doesn’t need to change anything_ ,” Yugyeom joins in, jumping forward onto the miniature stage at the front of the room.

Mark doesn’t even try to remember his lines, he just dances around the room while Bambam takes over from Yugyeom.

Jackson leans down to drop his microphone onto the table loaded with drinks and half empty takeaway boxes. He jumps when a pair of strong arms pull him against a hard chest. Even before the multi-coloured disco lights illuminate his face, Jackson knows it’s Jaebum.

“What are you doing?” Jackson laughs when Jaebum wraps his arms around Jackson’s waist and starts to slowly sway.

“Dancing,” Jaebum says softly but with a dollop of sarcasm.

“ _No matter how much I take you apart/And look and look at you_.” Youngjae slides in front of his stage as he belts out his lines, his arms outstretched.

“But why slow dancing?” Jackson giggles.

“Because!” Jaebum slurs, tightening his hold on Jackson and swinging the both of them around.

“I can’t find that part—Ah!” Youngjae yelps into his microphone, making them all go deaf for a moment. “My foot!”

Jinyoung pointedly lifts his socked feet onto the seat of the sofa while Yugyeom and Bambam cackle drunkenly, leaning heavily on each other as their drinks slosh over the rims of their glasses. Mark puts down his microphone and pulls the younger man down onto the sofa, lifting Youngjae’s foot onto his lap and lightly massaging it.

“Sorry, Youngjae,” Jaebum apologises, not sounding particularly contrite.

“See? You’re just not supposed to slow dance to a song like this,” Jackson mumbles as he rests his head on Jaebum’s shoulder.

“ _If you just stay the way you are now/I want nothing more so don’t change anything._ ” Jaebum sings into Jackson’s ear, his voice as smooth and moving as always, if a bit off-beat.

Jackson tucks himself closer to Jaebum, nuzzling the older man’s neck.

 


	22. things you said after it was over

_You have one new voice message. Message received today at 11:23 am._

 

_“Hey, it’s me. I know you might delete this message without even listening to it, but this is honestly more for me than you anyway...I just wanted to say that, that I miss you—so fucking much. You’re all that’s on my mind, even when I’m completely out of it—especially then. I still love you, I can’t stop. I’m sorry I ever gave you a reason to doubt that; I should never have taken you for granted. I’m shit without you, Jackson, and I just—”_

_To delete this message, press 1. To re-listen to this message, press 2. To save this message, press 3._

_Message deleted._


	23. things you said [when we first met]

Breathing…hurts. So much.

 

Jackson’s breath comes out in shirt, shallow gasps as he desperately tries not to choke on the liquid bubbling up in his mouth. Despite his efforts, a single cough escapes his lips, filling his mouth with something warm and metallic-tasting, and his already dark vision goes completely black as pain explodes in his chest.

 

…Cold, hot, wet, hurts…

 

Jackson slowly opens his eyes, but everything is still dark. Closing his eyes again, he focuses on trying to get up. Sharp pain lances up his right arm. Jackson freezes. When his breathing calms down again, he tries to bring his legs in to push himself up. Nothing. He then drags his left hand along the ground, moving it towards his pocket where he keeps his phone. The movement is slow and awkward as he tries not to disturb his right arm, but before he gets there, his fingers brush against something small and rectangular. He slowly drags it beneath his hand, bringing it closer to his head. He fumbles to find the front and correctly orient the phone to make a call, but his fingers brush against splintered pieces of hard plastic and metal.

 

“…help,” Jackson whimpers, the sound barley audible to his own ears.

 

“Oh, Youngjae, what have you done?”

 

Jackson opens his eyes, forgetting that he can’t see anyway.

 

“Help?” he croaks a bit louder, shifting his neck to face the new voice.

 

“Don’t move,” the voice commands. “It’s a wonder you didn’t break your neck in the fall, but trying to move will probably just finish you off.”

 

 

“Is that what you want?”

 

“What?” Jackson gasps.

 

“Would you like to peacefully pass from this world?” The voice sounds closer now. “Are you ready to take that final step?”

 

“I…” Jackson moves his lips, but his voice fails him. In his mind’s eye, he sees his parents’ faces, his friends, his school, his fencing teammates, his not quite boyfriend…

 

“No,” Jackson cries brokenly. “Help, please…”

 

“I can help you cheat death, give you a new life, but it won’t be an easy life. That’s assuming you even do manage to survive the process.”

 

“Please…” Jackson says faintly, already feeling himself slipping away.

 

“So be it.”

 

The last thing Jackson feels is the collar of his coat being pulled aside and hot breath tickling his neck…

 

“ _Ahhh!_ ”

 

Jackson’s eyes fly open when a strange thrill runs downs his spine and then his entire body is engulfed in blistering cold and burning flames in quick succession. Through the curtain of black that blocks his eyesight, Jackson can just make out twin gleams of red. The darkness starts to recede and the faint outline of a face appears before Jackson’s eyes.

 

Before he can begin to process the image, he’s hit by a series of sensations—sights, sounds, smells, tastes, even emotions and memories. The burning of his mouth the first time he tried kimchi; the clamminess of his palms when he first confessed to another boy; the glowing faces of his parents and older brother when he won his last fencing match; going ice skating with Jinyoung and spending most of the time trying to steal kisses; getting lost in the woods at summer camp; falling off a bike, nearly drowning; water balloon wars; first communion; tired; pain; hot; cold; hurt…

 

 

 Nothing.


End file.
